I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
