i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
