I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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