idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
