I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
