Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
