WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
