oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
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Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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