just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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