Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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