:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
