he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
