your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
