you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
