did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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