Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
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