Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night