So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.