i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
