You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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