i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
