i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
