I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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