Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
