i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
