Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
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He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
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It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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