you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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