The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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