I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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