I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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