I'm really into asian looking animals
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
