no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Drunk is a universal language darling
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