Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
