Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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