I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
