she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
