Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
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No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
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I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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