it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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