He managed to light the Jello on fire...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
