i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
