Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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