And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
