I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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