She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
