i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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