I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
