I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
