what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
me + whiskey = a bad person
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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