Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You were trust falling into bushes
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
