if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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