Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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