make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
