I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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