I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
