I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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