I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
