Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
