no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
