ya dads aren't the best wingmen
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
