According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
