just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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