Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
