I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
