The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Randomize