I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
