this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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