He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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