Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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