I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
