You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
