What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
