So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I cockslap morals
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
