Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
