I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
