Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
